Remain good friends

Many people say that having a friendship with their spouse is an important goal of their marriage. Life usually becomes more complicated as marriage progresses. If a marital relationship is not built upon a solid foundation of friendship, it may become more difficult for partners to stay connected over time. It is also easy for spouses to become less polite and respectful to each other as time passes because they feel more comfortable with each other. However, spouses who remain good friends throughout life usually find much more enjoyment and satisfaction in their relationship.
There are many things spouses can do to keep their friendship alive.
• Set aside a specific time each day to talk and reconnect. In some marriages, spouses stop confiding in each other and stop having stimulating discussions, only to later discover that they do not know each other very well anymore. All people change over time, and partners need to continue to learn about each other's thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
• Another way to maintain friendship in marriage is to have weekly "dates." Dates allow spouses to spend time along together, which can be especially important if they have children. Partners can also build friendship by trying to avoid conflict during "couple times," making the time spent together more enjoyable and memorable.
How to be best friends
• Talk.
• Hold hands.
• Go for walks.
• Dance.
• Play games.
• Work on a mutual project together.
• Plan little surprises for each other.
• Laugh together.
• Compliment each other often.
• Create memories together.
• Leave unexpected notes of praise.
• Develop signals that say "I love you."
• Go on a date.
• Say "thank you" for little kindnesses.
• Talk about your dreams.
• Listen to music.
• Say "I love you."
• Remember birthdays and anniversaries.
• Have a candlelight dinner.
• Go for an evening or afternoon drive.

Marriage is a challenging endeavor that requires hard work, determination and discipline. It also has the potential to be very rewarding and satisfying. Spouses who seek to incorporate positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance, and mutual love and respect into their relationship are more likely to have a fulfilling marriage. Husbands and wives also benefit when they understand the nature of conflict and know how to manage it successfully.
Finally, when people base their marriages on friendship, thoughtfulness, fun and traditions, they usually find joy and happiness in their relationship. Creating a strong and satisfying marriage is possible, and it is definitely worth the effort!

Adapted from Kansas State MU Extension
University of Missouri-Columbia